never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
