I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My balls are so social today.
zippers are such a cool invention
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
where are you?
Hypothermia
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize