Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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