so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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