Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
