yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
