That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
