Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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