I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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