found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
