I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
