So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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