Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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