mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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