I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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