At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
