I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
