five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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