Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize