i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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