Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize