When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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