Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
