I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
