genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
