His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize