That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
