if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
