Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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