YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
