Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
