I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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