dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
