Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
