So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
