If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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