she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
