Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
