Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
