Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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