did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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