I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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