Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
