Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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