I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
