haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
