I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
