did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize