I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
