Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
