I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
