Me. At least after what I've been through.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
In other news, I just burned my penis
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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