She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
