I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
