Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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