We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
try to milk me bitch
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
