Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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