im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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