just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
