the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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