I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
