he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
