so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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