my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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