Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
