I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
