I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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