I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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