apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
