I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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