I just pynch a tree in the face
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You made out with two different species that night
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
