Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize