Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
