Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize