theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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