we have pet lesbian snakes
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize